Irrational Fears
by Cinquain
Summary: An unexpected cave-in keeps Leia and Han in the same room for a long time. Our favorite heroine is injured almost fataly, and Leia suddenly feels a fear and wonders why it has come up for her, right then and there. Post ANH, Pre ESB
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes: Thanks for reading.**

**This story takes place on Hoth, Post-ANH and Pre-ESB**

**I don't own Star Wars, doh.**

**Irrational Fears**

**by Cinquain**

* * *

Princess Leia Organa was afraid of nothing.

But as she lay in an empty bathtub by the light of a dim generator, she realized that there was an (irritating) exception.

It had all started when Han Solo had invited himself into her room.

"Gee, are you the only one with a heater on this ice cube?" was the first thing Leia heard that announced his arrival. She scowled as usual, looking up from her datapad.

"Well, don't you live on a ship?" she shot back. "I wouldn't be surprised if the bucket of bolts can't even generate enough heat to keep your butt warm." It was Han's turn to frown now.

"She is under repairs after a part of the roof squashed the main power generator," he corrected sharply, but the Princess only rolled her eyes.

"Excuses, excuses," she muttered, turning her attention back to the glowing pad.

"Whatcha doing there?" he sauntered over to her side, peering over her shoulder.

"Nothing!" she growled, immediately flipping the datapad over. Han grinned.

"Aha," he said, snatching for the pad. Leia jumped to her feet, stepping back as she quickly shut the electronic off. "What is it? What's so important?"

"Leave me alone," she said in a warning voice. He only reached for it again. She pulled the datacard out and swiftly tucked it into a pocket.

"Aw, come on," he purred, but she only turned around. The comm twittered, and she strode to it, Han following. "You can tell me."

"No, I can't and I _won't_," Leia bristled, turning around. "Can't you take a hint? I have my own privacy, just because I am a princess doesn't mean every little thing I do is public!" she found that he was looming right over her, and she pushed him away with both hands. "Get back." She blushed slightly, clenching her teeth. Han surprised her by taking her hand, keeping a firm hold on it.

"Why?" he said softly, with emotion that surprised himself. "I like it like this." He drew nearer as she backed up against the scraped ice walls. They were incredibly close when a loud crash interrupted the two. Leia jumped, shoving him away again and gathering her composure, her face now quite pink.

"What was that?" she said, her voice as even as she could get it. She opened the door and an avalanche of snow and ice buried her up to the chest. She screamed, and Han immediately pried the large chunk of ice that pinned her off.

"You alright?" he asked, the awkward moment long gone. She dusted the snow off of her legs and winced.

"Might have broken something," she managed to let out, biting her lip so she wouldn't moan. Han carried her over to the couch, laying her down gently.

"What happened?" Han finally said as Leia assessed the damage on her right leg.

"Probably a cave in," she responded. Han walked over to the comm station on the wall and finally the message was played.

"Do not exit your rooms," said General Rieekan's worried voice. "The ceilings have been disrupted and may cave in at any time. If you have been trapped, use your emergency packs located in the refreshers until help can arrive. Do not panic." He advised, and the message ended.

"Well, now it's too late," Han sighed. He turned back to an injured Leia, who was whimpering softly in pain. "Where's the pack?"

"Under the sink," she grunted.

He returned soon with a medium sized red pack, labeled 'EMERGENCY PACK'. He opened it up and was about to dig through when another crash sounded and the lights went out. A cold gloom immediately settled down on the room, and Leia gasped.

"Han," she said urgently, and he found and squeezed her hand in the utter darkness.

"I'm right here, Leia," he said, abandoning nicknames for the time being. "Let me find the generator." There was a rustling and clinking before a weak orange glow lit up a seven foot perimeter. Han found Leia with her eyes squeezed shut, the pant on her right leg rolled up showing dark bruises and a deep cut from the ice. Crimson blood welled up and dripped onto the white fabric of the couch. Han flinched as the ugly sight hit him full in the gut.

"I'll get you fixed up," he breathed, trying to control his heartbeat as he quickly sorted through the pack. He found bandages coated with bacta and a splint. He braced the leg, wrapping the bandages carefully and using the splint to demobilize the broken limb. Leia had fainted at one point from the blood loss and pain, but now her eyelids fluttered.

"Do you feel better?" he asked softly.

All she could manage was a feeble moan. Han laughed humorlessly. He kissed her gently between her eyes, and for once, she did not mind. Leia knew it was more of a friendly gesture that anything else, something to reassure her. He emptied out the pack, and he determined that the supplies would last for a week at the most, more than enough. Frowning, he pulled out an insulated blanket. There was only one, and he realized that with the power and heat out and living so deep into the ground, that one person would either freeze to death, or they would have to share. The other blankets on Leia's bed would have to do, he decided. He switched the comm on, punched in the code printed on the top of the now dead comm station on the wall, and activated it. It immediately chirped, and he wisely listened.

"The ceiling is still extremely unstable, and it has been decided that everybody in the danger zone (wing D3) must evacuate to the refresher. Please remember to take your pack with you and nothing else." The message ended. Han frowned, glancing at the ghostly pale Leia. He quickly stuffed the items back into the bag and it with the generator clipped onto it over his shoulders. He gently shook her.

"Hey," he whispered. She opened her eyes weakly.

"I heard it," she said softly, and with a pained grunt, sat up.

"Here," he offered his shoulder, and she limped along slowly, her eyes determined as they hobbled towards the fresher door. Han kicked it open and sat her down on the counter, setting the pack beside her.

"Where are you going?" Leia called after him as he walked back out of the door.

"Be right back," he assured her. He dashed quickly to Leia's room. He was grabbing a couple of pillows and blankets when a formidable cracking sounded from above. Han's stomach lurched and he beat it for the 'fresher as the ice roof fell behind him. He heard Leia shouting to him, but his mind was numb to everything as he evaded falling bits of sharp ice. The only thought that ran through his head was to come out unscathed. Leia needed him to nurse her, no matter how much she denied it. He could not burden the delicate princess with both herself and him injured. He skidded to a stop in the fresher, shut the door, and set down his load, panting. He wiped his sweat away from his eyes and turned to a concerned and relieved Leia.

"What in the galaxy were you thinking?" she scolded, even if she was injured, she could still pack a verbal punch. "You heard the General. The pack and nothing else." Han glowered at her.

"Would you like to freeze to death, then?" he shot back angrily, hurt by her ingratitude and sharpness. "I risked my life for your comfort!"

Leia did not speak.

"I'm sorry." she said finally. Grumbling, Han set a pillow and blanket on the bottom of the bathtub and helped her into it. He pulled his jacket tighter around himself, shivering. He knew the temperature was dropping quickly, and that soon they would be depending on the weak power generator. He remembered that it was still dangling from the pack that lay on the counter. He unclipped it and handed it wordlessly to Leia before hanging the pack on a vacant hook reserved for towels. He pulled out the thermal blanket, layering it the best he could over her. He braced himself for the frigid night ahead.

Han soon found himself staring at Leia, who was sleeping. He felt guilty of snapping at her, and he knew she was suffering from her wounds. Her face was finally relaxed from the upset expression, and he wondered if everybody looked younger when asleep. The princess looked like only a teenager, her pale, innocent face closed and withdrawn to the warm waters of slumber. The sight carried on with him through his dreams.

He chased the young girl, clad in white, over valleys and mountains and deserts. Whenever he reached her and grabbed her hand, she dissipated into a cloud of dust, only to reappear a few feet ahead of him. She always had a teasing smile and twinkling brown eyes, and Han ran like a man in a trance.

Han woke to a cry of pain. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as Leia whimpered rather pitifully, clutching her leg. He kneeled next to her, gently rolling away the bandages.

The bacta on the bandages was all used up, and Han knew that her cut would require an artificial flesh graft if it was to heal properly and quickly. Unfortunately, the medical kit did not have the advanced technology for it, and Han was reduced to cleaning and placing more bandages on the wound. He replaced the splint and sat back, utterly worn out. He searched though the kit and found a can of pain relievers. He handed one to Leia with a canteen of water, and she gulped it down listlessly. The young woman's breathing slowed to a normal pace, and she realized her companion was chattering.

"Come here," Leia said, nodding to him. Han blinked at her doubtfully. "You'll freeze." She shivered herself as she carefully made room for him. They sat awkwardly for a moment.

"Oh, for the love of gods," Han shook his head. "We're not conserving any body heat at this rate." He cautiously scooted closer to Leia, and she tentatively did the same. "I'm not going to eat you," he joked dully, and Leia finally gave in and reached around him, hugging him as the coldness began to seep away. She rested her head on his chest, and for once, she felt safe and warm. Han's arm went around her, pillowing her head and comfortingly squeezing her shoulder. The two lay together, drifting slowly off into sleep.

Han could feel himself losing consciousness. He enjoyed the little princess clinging to him like that, and he decided to take it a step further. His lips gently brushed her forehead, and Leia immediately knew that it was in a different league than the soothing kiss before. She snapped back to awareness immediately and drew back her arms and head from where they were. Han was disappointed.

"Let go of me, please," Leia said softly with a rather sudden and irrational fear. His arm did not move. "Please," she said a bit more firmly. He wordlessly withdrew his own arm from around her, and they stared up at the ceiling, one frustrated and one rather fearful.

So now Leia sits, wondering how the heck she managed to get into bed-no, bathtub- with Han Solo.

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**A/N: Reviews or no next chapter. ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes: Thanks for RR****.**

**Chapter 2**

* * *

I close my eyes, my shoulder bumped up against Han's. I no longer care if I lose body heat. A cold panic grips my stomach, and what makes it worse is that I don't understand why I am so afraid.

He does not say anything, though I wish so deeply that he breaks the silence, that he says something, cross remark or not. Perhaps it might make the fear that threatens to overwhelm my body more understandable. I have to sift through my facts to find why I feel so fearful.

I take action, do what I do if I have a problem in real life. It's usually for some political problem or something, and I'm not used to dealing with my emotions.

In fact, I haven't even thought about them this deeply until now.

Okay.

I am Princess Leia Organa.

I have not had a serious relationship since Alderaan's destruction.

I have no feelings for this man named Han Solo.

Or do I.

I realize that my strategy is as helpful as a pile of bantha dung.

Actually, less helpful.

A good fire could do us a lot of good right now, and I heard that bantha dung is a good fuel.

My thoughts rove back to the steadily dropping temperature and I shiver. I begin to try and curl up into a ball to conserve heat when my leg reminds me I have a cut to the bone. I just barely manage to stifle a scream, and it turns to a muffled moan. I am stuck straightened out like a board, not even able to turn sideways, unless I am to turn my body to Han's. (Which will never happen, at least not now.)

_Effing bathtub._

I try and straighten my stiff neck, then fidget my arms uncomfortably. I do not make contact with the man beside me, who looks like he is sleeping.

Why am I so afraid?

I have no reason to put anything against him. He has never harassed me, touched me, or hurt me. He is sometimes a genuinely good friend, I have to admit. Then what is it?

Is it just his masculinity? The fact that he can easily overpower me with his strength and size?

No.

I know none of these are true. I grudgingly trust him as a friend.

I know why. And I cannot fall in love with this man.

He is under so much danger as a pilot for the Alliance. If he dies, and I love him, and I lose him forever.

Then

I

am

dead.

The Alliance needs me. I cannot get tangled in my own emotions.

But I cannot banish him from my company, either.

Once again, I am stuck.

But as I stare up at the ceiling, I realize that its too late.

I love him anyways.

* * *

I realize I have been sleeping when I awake. Han has stood up unsteadily, stepping out of the tub. He stares at me for a moment, thoughts running through his mind.

"Need to use the 'fresher," he says awkwardly. My mind reels, and I nod, closing my eyes and waiting. He taps me on the shoulder when he is done.

"I need to, too," I say without thinking.

"That's a problem." he comments.

"Help me up and I can do the rest," I reply firmly. He takes hold of me under the arms and lifts me slowly. I hold back a scream and he manages to set me down on the toilet. "Don't you dare look," I say, and he grins before covering his eyes pointedly with his hands. I make sure that he is not peeking and slowly, carefully dress out of my full body snowsuit, which, if you think about it, is quite an ordeal with a bone-deep wound. I can tell Han is wincing at the low, animal sound of agony I am making, but eventually I zip up the front of the suit and flush. Surprisingly, the water is running. I don't stop to ponder if the sinks work as I call to Han through gritted teeth.

He uncovers his eyes and helps me back into the bathtub. He takes his place beside me, and re-blankets us, teeth chattering.

"Thanks for...that."

"No problem."

I realize, with my injury, I am as helpless, if more, as a child.

And I like it, having an excuse to cuddle up next to him.

Sleep weighs my eyelids down, and I yawn softly. His hand comes up to stroke my hair, and he doesn't stop as I fade into sleep.

* * *

I wake up and find my hand in his. Either I placed it in his palm, or he found mine. I don't pull away for once. The pain relievers don't do anything at all, and I feel so faint that I think I could just die right then and there. It would be nice to pass away in somebody's arms.

He shifts in his sleep and knocks my body just barely, sending a sharp, unbearable pain up my body. My leg begins to throb hotly. I hiss through my teeth, heartbeat increasing tenfold as adrenaline courses through my veins. I must have involuntarily clenched my hands, because Han gives his own grunt of pain and shakes my hand out of his. He sits up blearily, not bothering to examine his hand. He gently pulls away the bandages and splint from my leg, and I can't hold back a soft cry of pain. I close my eyes, knowing that just the sight of my wound would send me over the edge. I can hear a soft gasp from Han, but banish the thoughts trying to envelop me and push me into hysteria. I can hear him looking through his bag and the _click_ that indicates the medical kit being opened. He sighs quietly, but I can hear him anyways. The soft _zziipp_ of the bandages being unrolled and the click of the pain reliever bottle opening. He taps me gently and I open my mouth wordlessly. Two pills drop into my mouth this time, and a flow of water is fed into me. I gulp, knowing they won't do very much.

I finally let loose to my tears as Han wraps the bandages again. Silent tears roll down the side of my head, and not just because of the pain. A feeling of helplessness begins to take over, and the four walls that encase me in what might be my grave or deathbed seem to close in. Its all I can do not to strike out in terror. I hiccup erratically, not caring if I was having a fit in front of the person most likely to tease me about it for the rest of my life. Instead, his feather light touch wipes the tears from my face.

Why is his hands so gentle and warm?

"I just want to let go," I speak for what is the first time in a long time. It comes out hoarse and rattling. Han blinks in incomprehension. "You take care of everybody, then."

Realization dawns on him, and his eyes widen.

"Don't leave me, help is coming," he says desperately.

"I don't want to wait, Han," I say quietly. Darkness laps on the edge of my vision, inviting me. I find I have lost all fear. Ironically, it seems like one of those fiction romance novels that I once called mushy. Now I realize how true these feelings are.

"Leia, please," he begged, holding my hand. I stare at those hazel eyes, so piercing and almost always glinting in good humor. Now they were pleading, filled with sadness and fear and determination and so many other emotions it made my already disoriented head spin.

I know I have to save him. He has to live.

I would never forgive myself if he died for me.

"If you insist," I say weakly, pushing the dark, warm and waiting waters away from me for the time being. "You must know that I have to leave soon." I try and penetrate his facial expressions, but they are so jumbled that I cannot make anything of it but relief and a fading sense of desperation.

"Thank you," he mumbles a bit awkwardly before digging though the pack for an energy bar. He finishes it in two bites, washes it down with water from a canteen, and settles down next to me. All hunger has evaporated from my body getting ready to shut down peacefully. He takes me in his arms this time, and I savor his touch.

He may not know it, but he is the only source of human contact until I die.

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**A/N: Reading wants his partner, Reviewing!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: Thanks for reading and reviewing, all.****  
**

**Chapter 3**

* * *

She is fading. I can feel it with each ragged breath she forces. If help does not come soon, she will die.

And if she dies,

Well...

I don't think about it.

The wound is just too deep for me to fix it properly with my limited supplies.

Oh, if only we were trapped in the Falcon. Princess, why don't you ever visit _me_?

The cut has become infected, and is a horrible black-purplish color, white pus oozing to add to the disgusting-ness. The skin is streched and inflamed. You would think that on the freezing temperature on Hoth, it would freeze, or at least not catch infection. But she is too well covered, and it is almost pleasantly warm in her suit. All I can do is shift the blanket away from the leg, and her snow suit is full body, so if she takes it off, she'll catch hypothermia and die faster than blood poisoning. A fever has come with the infection, tormenting her to beyond extremes.

And yet she does not pass out, or even scream or cry, other than soft moans and sometimes, silent tears.

Gods, Leia. A asteroid can land on you and you'll crawl out without a whine.

Yet...

The days when I and Luke had to come to your rooms on Yavin, wake you up from your dreamless, endless trance, and force-feed you rations. How we had to eventually lock up the liquor under lock and bolt in a high cabinet (Where you got that stuff, I don't know.) And some nights, you would collapse in my arms with tears that could make a river flow.

I both hated and loved those parts.

Hated, because my princess was capable of crying. _Crying. _It was unthinkable until I realized how fragile you really were. Or had become.

And loved, because,

well,

I love you.

And I must admit, I was pretty smug when you did not do the same with the kid.

"Whatcha looking at?"

Her voice jolts me back to consciousness, and I realize I have been staring at her face. I must have had a funny look because she laughs softly. It is immediately preserved in my mind, bouncing around the inside of my scull.

"Umm..." I respond vaguely. Her hand reaches up and traces the features on my face. I close my eyes and lean against her touch. She giggles again.

"You're like a kitten," she says, and I purr jokingly. Her fingers caress my hair, following it down to my jawline, hovering and hesitating by my lips. She stops suddenly and I open my eyes questioningly. Her hand creeps up on my neck, and she pulls me into a kiss. I don't resist.

She kisses like she talks and acts; bold. I realize this is the first time she was the one who pulled us into this.

When we pull away she is almost breathless, and I can almost hear my own heart beating in my ears.

And for once, there is nothing but her and I, forget the freezing cold and fatal wounds. I shift slightly beside her, and her sharp gasp from my careless move reminds me of reality. The coldness seeps back into my bones, and I grunt sadly. I unzip the pack and extract a food bar without another word.

"Han,"

Leia's small voice says after who knows how long. I have lost all sense of time in this bathroom.

"_Han,_" She says a bit louder.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" I stare at the wall vacantly. I take a bite out of the tasteless food.

Pause.

"Do you think they'll find us?"

Another pause.

"Of course," I say forcefully. I think she has gone to sleep because she does not say anything else for a while.

"I want to go home," she says suddenly. Her voice is soft, plaintive, like a young child's. I lean over and give her a quick kiss, smoothing back the stray locks of hair that have dislodged in her hairstyle.

"Me too, Leia," I sigh softly. "Me too."

But what is home, to her?

And, now that I think about it...

What is home for me?

* * *

It is hours since, and I, after finishing the energy bar and taking a quick, cold nap, I longed for any interaction or anything that would involve me moving or speaking with a purpose.

Because, really, I was beginning to lose hope. It's not exactly morale-boosting to have a dying princess by your side. I rouse her gently.

"You need to eat," I say at her disgruntled expression.

"I'm not hungry."

I take another food bar and split it in two.

"Eat at least half, then," I insist, taking a water bottle in another hand. She scowls at me, snatching the bar roughly from my hand and taking a nibble. She gulps down some water but eats in small bites. Meanwhile, I check her temperature and find that it has rocketed over what might have been day or night. It is impossible to tell.

I take a risk and hand her three pain reliever pills. It is a risk because it may make her even more ill, and also that we only have five pills left. I also hand her a fever pill, and coax some freeze-dried bits of fruit down her throat.

At least I'm faring well, other than a stiff coldness in my limbs.

It's not a time for self pity, though.

I take a quick check of what remains in our pack.

A case of food, now half eaten. There are three food bars, and two bags of freeze-dried fruit. A couple bags of crackers that are untouched lay at the bottom of the case, and I eye them longingly. I close the case up anyways, reminding myself that we have no idea when rescue will arrive.

Three one liter bottles remain, two full and one half-full. We have consumed about one and a half liters between the two of us going thirsty for most of the time. Leia has drunk more, being sick, but I don't mind.

There are three more batteries for the generator that hangs on the wall. It is already going dim, and I mean to change it soon. But at the time being, I feel too lethargic to stand up and walk to it hanging five feet away. That, and the fact that I do not want to cause any disruption that increases Leia's belief that she must die.

There is an emergency booklet on Alliance protocol, and lastly, the useless medicine case. I grit my teeth, throwing it at the bottom of the red bag in frustration. It pops open with a muffled _clatter_, spilling pill bottles of various colors and sizes, bandages unrolling across the bag. A tiny tube of antibiotic ointment falls beside the bottle of pain relievers, and I stare at it blankly, realizing that I hadn't seen it before. I could have applied it before any of this would have happened. Of course I find it _now_, when it won't do a thing of that horrifying beast of a wound. I am about to kick myself in anger and sorrow when her voice startles me.

"Cool it," she says wanly. I turn my head to see a small grin on her face. I freeze, so many conflicting emotions rising in a terrifying cresendo.

"What do you mean, cool it?" I scream suddenly, making the walls rattle. "You are _dying_ here, and it's all my fault!" Her smile fades. "I was being so _nosy_, and I distracted you from answering or even seeing the first warning! And then you got hurt, and your rooms collapsed because of _me_ disturbing them when I grabbed those effing pillows and blankets! And now I have been so ignorant and selfish by not paying attention when I could have prevented all of this!" I shove the tube of ointment in her face, which is now startled, and to my own shame and horror, showing fear. She realizes what it holds, and she shakes her head immediately in denial.

"It's not your fault," Leia says softly, afraid of another outburst from my now crazed being. "I was about to step outside anyways, and I never check the comm very much, anyways. And that tiny tube probably would never be enough to last for the whole time." She lays a timid hand on my arm. My breathing slows to normal, and we sit there for a long moment.

"I'm sorry," I choke out.

"Well, you were bound to break down sooner than later." she says a bit pathetically.

"And now my screaming has probably triggered another avalanche." I say weakly.

Just then, almost prophetically, a deep rumbling sounds from above. My heart stops in terror.

"You just might be right," she gasps before it happens.

The roof tumbles down, cracking into three. Ice showers down, hard and unforgiving, and at the last moment, her hand finds mine. Her scream is stopped abruptly by who knows what. I cannot see her through the piles of snow.

"Leia!" I shout as a second wave of ice crashes down. All I can see is white and gray.

A deafening crack suddenly rattles through my scull. A faint scream beckons me, but my thoughts have become disjointed. The last thing I can recall is the metallic taste of blood in my mouth and three identical piles of ice swirling maniacally in my face.

Then darkness.

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**A/N: Review, or who knows what will happen to our poor Han? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A.N.: Thanks for you know what and stuff.**

**Chapter 4**

* * *

I hear the screaming, mostly through the Force, and I know that something has collapsed. I wince, pointing downwards where I sensed their shouts.

"They're down there," I say steadily, and the men switch their drills on again. The ice and snow goes flying, and the headlights hit what looks like a mangled sink.

"This is the Princess's 'fresher," General Dodonna says grimly, and they drill ahead.

"Stop," I say after we have covered about two feet of ground. "Any farther and you'll hit them with the drill."

"Switch to hand drills and shovels!" the General orders, and the Rebels move forward, slowly but steadily clearing the way.

A loud bark makes me turn around.

"Chewbacca!" I say to the baying Wookie. He gives me a quick, stern greeting and immediately grabs a larger shovel. The men are a bit shocked at the sudden blur of fur that is now digging beside them, but soon realize that he works as fast and half of the men present. I would like to help, but I must focus what connection to my friends and the Force I have to find them.

They keep working for about ten nerve-wracking moments until one of the hand drills hit enamel.

"The bathtub," the owner of the drill grunts, and Chewbacca digs even harder, resorting to his paws as snow goes flying. He roars in desperation, and his calls of sorrow make my own gut twist in unease.

"Leia?" I shout to the inanimate pile of ice. "Han? Can you hear us?"

No answer. I reach out again, almost exhausted from all of this Force-effort, when I catch a hint of light. The light and warmth of life. I focus until I think my scull might explode, and I sense a faint cry. A female cry. I know that voice.

"Leia's still conscious," I say, wiping my brow. "I can just hear her." Nobody asks what I mean when I say 'hear'.

The rest of the time until we uncover them is slow and unbearable. The work is done a little at a time and they have shut off any drills completely, for they do not want to dig into Han or Leia. And then they are suddenly on the ice, both of them pale, skin blue and stiff. The first thing I notice is the glint of brown.

"Leia," I say, bending over her. Those eyes are the only thing that are untouched. Her face is bruised and cut, and whatever I can see that is not buried by ice looks pretty bad. She is still half buried by ice, but that is not a problem for long. Chewbacca has promptly cleared the rest of the snow away, literally covering the men behind him with snow in the process. He lifts Han carefully, and gives a soft Wookie moan of distress. Han's face is covered with blood from a large cut on his forehead. He has passed out.

"Han," her cracked lips barely part to whisper the word. Fear has filled her eyes as she watches her lover being laid down on a red stretcher. Now comes her turn, and Chewie takes her up into his arms.

I can hear small gasps from the crowd at her state, and I cannot hold back one either. Her right pant of her snowsuit is mangled, showing a deep, jagged cut across the front of her lower leg. The skin is red and inflamed, pus oozing. I have never seen anything as awful as that. A soft moan escapes her mouth, and I squeeze her hand reassuringly. Her eyes dart to mine, but she does not utter a word. Soon she is rolled away on a stretcher, up the dark ice tunnels.

Now the group of diggers, General Dodonna, and I, are left, looking around what had once been Princess Leia Organa's quarters.

"What a disaster," Dodonna sighs, and leads us back up the icy corridors.

* * *

The first thing Han says when he wakes up is, naturally, Leia's name.

"Where is Leia?" he immediately shoots at me. "She isn't dead, right? She better not be," he growls like a feral animal. Chewie barks sternly at him, but there is not a flash of recognition like I wound have expected. He advances on us menacingly, and I am horrified. What has happened to him?

"Tell me where she is or I will kill you!" he screams. I back away, eyes wide. Chewie is not undeterred, and he easily grabs his friend so he cannot do any damage. He barks mournfully. "You beast! Let me go this instant!" He thrashes and reaches for his blaster, which is not at his side, obviously. A doctor comes running in at the chaos, and I watch numbly as anesthesia is injected into his bloodstream and he begins to fall into drug-induced sleep.

"It's because of both the trauma and the concussion," my ears hear the short, balding man explain to me, but my brain does not register anything. All that I am thinking is that Han is gone, and how bad this will be to Leia, not to mention myself, and the rest of us that knew Han.

"Will he...recover?" I ask weakly.

"It's hard to say. This may end once he sees that the Princess is fine, or it may continue as over-protectiveness and obsessiveness for her safety. He may even commit suicide if she dies before he does."

"Well, that might have happened anyways," Chewbacca says dryly.

"The point is that we must keep General Solo under drugs until Her Highness has fully recovered. Otherwise, he may blame us for injuring her and go, er, in crude terms, crazy for the rest of his life."

"So he will not retain _any _memories of that incident?" I ask. The doctor nods soberly.

"Thank you for your time, sir," Chewie thanks him, and I translate. He shakes our hands and leaves the room.

I turn to Chewbacca, realizing what I have to do now. We exchange worried looks and step out to Leia's room.

She has just finished her second round of the bacta tank following the artificial flesh graft surgery for her wound. Her hair is still damp, and there are only faint bruises on her face left. She smiles as soon as she sees us, and I marvel for the fiftieth time at her dazzling beam.

"You look so beautiful," I say truthfully, trying to hide the unease in my voice. She raises an eyebrow, though she is still grinning.

"Spit the news, farmboy," she says, her smile becoming somewhat fixed. I stand there for a moment, frantically searching for a way to break the news, and Leia gives up the smile-gone-grimace.

"Han had a concussion, but he's awake now," I start. She nods in understanding. "And it has some...lasting effects."

"Oh no," she breathed. "No, no, no."

"He's sort of gone...mad." I blurt. "He talks of nothing but you, recognizes none of us and threatens to kill us unless we don't show that you're unharmed."

"He forgot about the cave in..." she says softly in horror. "Oh, oh, oh..." she bursts into tears. I have never seen her cry so frenziedly and with such passion, even after Alderaan. I kiss her on the forehead before exiting the room, not sure quite what to do.

* * *

"I don't want to see him," I utter the words that even shock me. I shake my head vehemently, half-drowning Luke in brown hair. "I can't take it."

"Leia, he'll stay like this forever if you don't," he pleaded. "Don't you want him back?"

Of course I do. It's just... the though that this might not work, that he might stay like this forever. The easy attitude, the dry sarcasm, the fact that he really did have a soft side. All replaced by a feral animal who's only thought is to hole me up somewhere and make sure nobody lays a finger on me.

It's all too much.

"But what if it doesn't work?" I say.

"You can't give up on us, Leia," Mon Mothma says soothingly. I know she has gone great lengths for Han and I. They had broken out the emergency extra-strength Thyferra bacta and submerged me until every little blemish and bruise was gone. Now I was about at clean and fresh as could be.

I finally understand why she and General Dodonna are doing this. If Han went crazy, he was lost. If Han was lost, I am lost. If I am lost...well. Luke would be the only posterboy left as the face of the Rebellion. And what happened to the other two, people would ask years later the Rebellion lost. Oh, the smuggler went crazy, and his lover did too, and they both killed themselves.

Cheerful, hmm?

Oh look, I'm even picking up his dark sarcasm.

"There's always a chance," Luke assures me. It seems that he needs it more than I do.

"Fine," I snap.

"Good. Let's do it now. No need to dress up, no makeup. As natural as she can be." Mon claps her hands together. A fear grasps my chest, choking me.

"Now?" I say, my voice half strangled. She nods.

"The sooner the better!" her voice is too high and chirpy for Mon. She is trying too hard to make it joyful. I swallow my apprehension and follow her and Luke to his room.

* * *

A.N.: This story is longer than I thought it would become. :)

Reviews!


	5. Chapter 5

**A.N.: Thanks for you know what and stuff.**

**Chapter 5**

* * *

I step into the room with Luke and Chewie, just in case. Han looks up at my footsteps, and I watch warily. He stands up from his seat on the edge of the bed, and my heart leaps.

"Leia," he says, dashing over to me with arms outstretched. Our arms wrap around each other at the same time, and I really believe he is back.

But then he lifts me and carries me back to the bed. He drops me on the rumpled blankets and turn around, shielding my body from view, his back to me.

"What are you doing, Han?" I ask confusedly, my mind working slowly.

"Shush!" he hisses at me. "The beast and the boy are back."

My stomach drops and I feel sick.

"Han, they're your friends!" I cry desperately.

"Maybe they're yours. But they're not mine."

"Han," Luke tries. "Do you remember anything before...this?"

"Why," Han says scathingly. "Wouldn't you like to know, find my weaknesses and exploit them, eh kid?"

The use of the old, affectionate nickname now filled with hate and distrust makes tears come to my eyes.

"Luke and Chewie, Han," I recite their names weakly, my voice breaking.

"What stupid, ridiculous names," he taunts them. Luke flinches and Chewbacca barks softly.

Tears stream down my face and I slip off the bed behind him.

"Where are you going?" he asks, bewildered. I ignore him, stumbling to somebody that I know, that I can trust.

Luke wraps his arms around me, rocking me back and forth. I exit the room without a word.

I hear one last thing before the door swishes closed.

"Leia?" His voice is hurt and confused and all the hate is gone. My heart nearly breaks, but I tell myself that he does not exist anymore in that body.

So I force myself to keep walking, away from the room and the hospital wing and the wretched shell of what had formerly been the only true love of my whole entire life.

But no matter how far I walk, I know that my heart is still with Han, wherever he has disappeared to.

* * *

I do not appear to meetings anymore. Nobody calls me.

The counselor that 'helped' me with Alderaan has returned to deal with my 'relationship problems'.

"Hello, Leia," she says. I stare down at my feet that have now found a stray paperclip on the makeshift office floor. I nudge it across the floor with the toe of my boot. "How are you today?"

I don't say anything, and neither does she. I eventually mutter something unintelligible, and she claps her hands, her face stretched in a maniacal grin for this situation.

"Today we will be discussing your feelings with Captain Solo and trying to see what it is causing," she said, her almost scary, hawk-like eyes boring into my own, which do not return the stare. "What do you think of that?"

"Good." I say under my breath, still playing with the paperclip.

We continue a one-sided conversation for a few, slow minutes, her speaking over-enthusiastically while I nod when I am expected to.

Finally, I can take it no longer.

"I don't want to be here," I say in the clearest voice I have spoken for the whole appointment. She raises a heavily penciled eyebrow, but does not say anything as I stand up and open the door.

My thoughts are disjointed, my mind easily confused and distracted. My mind has been like this for a while, and it has been a week since he had changed, and the last time I had seen him.

I am therefore surprised when I find that my feet have taken me to his door.

There is a lock on the outside, and I undo it, stepping in without knocking.

He lies down on his bed, his eyelids fluttering in a light sleep. I cross the floor silently to stand next to him, and he almost looks like he is...him again.

But I refuse to call him Han, because he isn't.

I slide into bed next to him, curling up and placing the side of my head on his chest. I hear the same, steady heartbeat, perhaps a bit slower because of sleep, that I heard whenever he embraced me. His eyes open to those cold brown eyes, but there is a small flicker in them, like a light struggling through a grimy window.

My heart skips a beat, because I immediately recognize it. He does not speak, only pulls me closer, taking my hand in his. They are the same, work-roughened, but so safe and warm. One of them that comforted me when I really needed it, and more.

"Don't. Say. Anything." I whisper fiercely. I did not want his frigid voice to break this fantasy that I was trying so hard to hold onto. He nods, and surprises me by kissing me on the forehead.

Is Han really coming back?

I eventually fall asleep next to him, sharing our warmth. And I know that the empty shell of him wouldn't have behaved so. Just for a moment, Han had broken through as his full self, just enough to share his love with me for a fleeting stop in time.

* * *

**A.N.: Hahah. As a compromise of not updating for a long while, I am putting up two chapters at once!**

**The first one is shorter than the second one, btw. ;)**

**Devour it, my friends!**

**...And reviews?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A.N.: Woo. Time for some hoorays now, hmm? Happiness with a side of no head injuries/memory loss/depression?**

**Then here you are!**

**Chapter 6**

* * *

The whole base was in a panic until they found Leia with Han in his room.

Chewie sighed in relief at the sight of them curled up together.

"I had a feeling they would be here," I had added quietly.

And now it was another week later. Han had improved greatly, and was not overly worried/protective when he is with Leia.

Just Leia.

Even if she is present while someone else is in the room, his feral-mode comes on again. He would later remember it as an empty moment of time. Leia tells him what had happened, but he can't not help it. Sometimes Leia was so overcome with tears that she would come to my room, her pale, delicate face covered with tear-tracks, and fall into my arms. I held her until she was all cried out and would bring her back to her room. Usually after this my own heart would break for these two.

I have to go back to watching her schedule carefully, so that she eats good things when she is supposed to, she exercises, and she does not overload her day with work. It is like Alderaan all over again, except without Han's help.

It makes it a lot more difficult because I know that Han and Leia are the ones that belonged together. It is just...so true. So perfect. I am just a friend, never the less a dear friend. A brotherly person in her life.

But even with my limited Force-capabilities, the strong bond of love is very evident between them. I am not jealous. Leia is the most beautiful, kind, and strong woman I have ever met in my life, but somehow, I just have this absolute feeling that she isn't...the one.

The only time I see her dazzling smile is when she has just come out of a good therapy session with Han. She is trying to bring the memories back by speaking to him about things, but so far it hasn't been completely successful.

This time, Chewbacca had an idea.

"Awhahrrrr,"

"Chewbacca says that you could try and bring his memory back with a story." Threepio translated, because both of us weren't so good with figuring out Wookie dialect.

"A story?" Leia frowned in confusion.

"Hrrrrrggrrrh,"

"A third-person view story about all of your adventures."

Leia and I exchange hopeful looks.

"I'll need your help, Luke," she says.

"Of course."

So the next day, after a few rehearsals, Leia steps into Han's room on the scheduled time. I watch with Chewbacca behind a one-way window.

"Hi Han," Leia says. He smiles, and so does she.

"Hello." He clears away a spot on the bed next to him and pats it. "Sit."

Leia does as she is told. Han scoots closer and begins fiddling with her hair, braids falling down her back as he pulls different pins from her hairstyle.

With a pang, I realize that not only has Han lost memory of Chewie and I and everybody else, but he has lost mostly everything about his own life. He knows mostly everything, but not his personal things. His brain was processing things equivalent to something of a six year old's.

She let him play with her hair in silence, helping him undo the hairties that held the braids in place. He buried his nose into her now loose strands of hair. Once, in what seems an eternity ago, when Han was sane, Leia would have probably jerked away in alarm at the relative closeness of their bodies and faces. Now she did not, for as I suspected, she knew the same thing that I knew, most of his actions were based on innocent curiosity.

"You smell good," he says rather primitively. Leia manages to crack a small, genuine smile.

"Why, thank you," she says. "On the other hand, I think you need a bath."

Han squints his eyes, trying to remember if he liked them or not.

"Later." she added. She turned around so she was facing Han, crossing her legs. "So Han, today I have a story to tell you."

He grinned, nodding. Leia cleared her throat nervously, taking his hands.

"Okay. Once upon a time, there was a princess. She lived on the peaceful planet of Alderaan. She worked with a big group of people who ruled the galaxy called the Empire. But the people who ran the Empire were evil, so the princess decided to join the secret group of rebels called the Rebel Alliance. Then, one day, she was supposed to bring the plans to a giant weapon that could destroy a whole entire planet to the Rebellion, so they could get rid of it.

Han looks excited.

"But the princess was captured by the bad people of the Empire."

"No!" Han shouts. I reach out, but I find that it was not brought on by the true Han, but merely a reaction as a child would to a fairy tale.

"Just before they got her, she sent away her droid with a holo, asking for help. They tortured her but she wouldn't give where the plans were. She was about to be executed when, when..." She begins to choke up.

"What is it?" Han said in a surprisingly compassionate voice. And then I catch it. That tiny flicker of light.

"One of the bad men decided to make her watch her home planet being d-destroyed right before her own eyes," Leia's eyes were clouding up. "And they did."

"Oh no," he whispered.

"She was about to be terminated when two men raced to the rescue." She smiled suddenly. "It turned out that a farmboy on the planet of-"

"Tatooine," Han interrupts. Leia gives a small jerk.

"How do you...?"

"The Cantina..." he says, his eyes lighting up. My heartbeat increases. "Keep talking!" he barks excitedly.

"A farmboy on Tatooine got the message." Leia's voice is rushed and hopeful. "He found the man that the princess mentioned, a Jedi Knight. He and Luke decided to go and help the princess in the holo, but they needed someone to take them. They found a man in the cantina with a ship, called the Millennium-"

"Falcon!" Han positively shouts. "The Falcon! Tatooine!"

"Yes, yes!" Leia shouts right back, a huge smile on her face. "They all went together to the big weapon, where they had the princess captured, and they all managed to rescue the princess."

"Who?" he said, leaping off the bed and taking the princess with him.

"Them, the farmboy, the Jedi Knight, the wookie, the mercenary!" Leia nods at the flaming light in his eyes.

"Luke, Kenobi, Chewie, and...me!" He grabbed Leia in his arms and swung her through the air in a circle.

"You remembered!" she laughs in happiness. I scramble into the room with a gratefully howling Chewie and embrace Han.

"I remembered, I remembered." he repeats, hugging us each in turn. Leia cannot take it anymore and bursts into tears. Our happy reunion is paused as we stare at her in confusion.

"Um, Leia?" I ask, befuddled. She turns to us, who are peering at her concernedly. Our worry increases as she begins simultaneously hiccuping, laughing, crying and shaking her head.

"You two are so-" _hiccup_ "so stupidly-" _hiccup_ " funny." _Hic-hic-hic-giggle-cry-hic._

She runs out the door, laughing and crying and whatnot.

"She's gone mad." Han observes, and I grin.

"Good to have you back, Han." I say, patting him on the back.

"Yeah," He sounds distracted.

"Raawhhrrrr?" Chewie asks.

"Nothing. It's just...What happened before all of this?"

I hesitate.

"I think we need Leia to explain fully." I say uncertainly. He nods, and the room is suddenly quiet.

"Was it...bad?" he blurts. My eyes meet his, studying them, trying to see if he really doesn't remember anything.

They are blank.

"I guess, yes," I pause. "But wait until Leia is sane enough to explain."

Han's sober face manages a smile.

"Thanks for everything, kid."

* * *

**A.N.: Awww. That was happy, wasn't it?**

**One last chapter.**

**Maybe an epilogue.**

**Enjoy it while it lasts!**

**(I didn't forget to nag about REVIEWS, by the way. ;D)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A.N.: Almost done.**

**This story was SO much fun to write.**

**I hope you guys liked it as much as I loved composing it!**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

That was too close.

Way too close.

I can't risk falling for him again. I admitted my love, and look where it almost landed me?

So now I am as cold and icy as I can manage.

"Leia?" He taps me on the shoulder. I turn to face him.

"Yes," I say in a clipped voice. He blinks, probably at the sudden change from my behavior only yesterday.

"Um," he says awkwardly. "What happened, before?"

I stare at his hazel eyes, and a torrent of emotion rips through me. Despair. Relief. Anger, disbelief. Love.

No, no, no. _Not love_.

"You came to my rooms and bugged me a while, I opened the door when an avalanche fell on me, I got injured, we had to escape to the fresher. We survived for a few nights before we were buried by a disruption from the search party's drills. They found us and they healed us. You went crazy..." I trail off, refusing to look at Han anymore.

"Oh," he says, a layer of confusion still covering his words. "That's...it?" I hear hopefulness, and disappointment. "Because...I think I remember-"

"Nothing happened, okay?" My voice breaks, and I turn so my back to him. Tears threaten to burst forwards, and I bite back a wail. "Nothing."

There is a thick, sticky silence that is slowly drowning me in my own sorrow.

"Okay," Han's voice is as frigid, if even more, as mine. "Thanks for telling me, sweetheart."

I can't take it any longer. I take one last, tear-blurred glance before bolting away from him, back to my temporary rooms to scream my hysteria out.

* * *

Sure, I had lost my mind for a week or two, but I swear, I remember some of it.

Fragments, bits and pieces of a frame of time that we have dropped on the ground. It has shattered into a billion pieces, and now it is a danger to our feet. Tread quietly, carefully.

Now, it is my turn for the nightmares. And ironically, I dream of Alderaan.

I am walking on the black fabric that is the universe. Passing stars and planets. Even black holes cannot drag me down.

Then I see the Death Star, the fateful green bolt hitting the planet of Alderaan, as Leia had described to me so vividly.

It bursts in a great white light, spreading razor sharp pieces of it all over the galaxy. No matter how hard I try, I have stepped on one.

Blood pours from the soles of my feet, rising up, coating my body, my face. Filling my nostrils and choking me.

And I see nothing but scarlet until it shifts and warps into a fuzzy, wavering image, like a scene seen through a heat wave.

Leia. She is holding on to my arm. Warm sensations as her light fingers trace the features of my face. Her soft, tickling whisper on my ear. Her warm brown gaze.

Her soft, beautiful, beautiful lips on mine.

And suddenly it is like I am falling away from it.

No. It is falling away from me. It turns clear and blue. A perfect, coldly beautiful crystal of ice that is twisting and spiraling steadily down to the tough, unyielding, cruel fabric of the universe.

It shatters.

The millions upon millions of fragments embed in my flesh, causing sharp flashes of pain throughout my body, stabbing at my heart.

I wake, breathing heavily, sweat covering my body.

Sitting up, I realize I am trembling from head to toe. There is still a dull throbbing pain in my chest. I look up and see that faithful golden medal on my dresser.

I take it, clasping it in my hand, slowly changing the coldness of the metal to the same warmth of my living hand.

Is Leia like that golden medal?

Is all she really needs is warmth?

If that is the case,

I can help her.

* * *

**A.N.: Epilogue still awaits!**

**And reviews?**


	8. Epilogue

**A.N.: OMG.**

**Thought I would never get here, but...wow. Just wow.**

**Thank you, all of you that have been regularly reviewing and reading and the ones that have favorited and followed.**

**The fact that you all actually took time to read this is just. AMAZING.**

**My heart goes out to all of you, and here is the end. 3**

**Epilogue**

* * *

The event began fading away in the couple's memory in the wake of the following battles and the downfall of the Empire.

However, Leia was always reminded of the incident when she undressed or wore a shorter dress. The Thyferra bacta had done its job well, but the cut was much too deep to fully conceal. All that was left was some pale-pinkish, smooth scar tissue.

It was a few years into the two's marriage when Han caught sight of the scar and really thought about it.

"You remember that accident," he started as they both climbed in under the covers. "The one that gave you the scar?" Leia turned absentmindedly to him, trying to fish out a stray pin in her hair.

"Sure," she said vaguely, having finally gotten a hold of it.

"What really happened?"

Leia set the pin down on the bedside table and blinked.

"You're telling me I never told you about the whole thing?"

"Well, I'm guessing not the entire story." he smiled. "After all, you were pretty frosty to me the rest of the time, Your Worship." Leia shoved him playfully.

"I had a good reason."

"Uh huuuh," Han drawled, but all that came to mind was that nightmare.

"So you don't remember any of it?" she asked.

"I think I did, once, but I lost it all now."

"Okay, then," she paused. "Hold it. Be right back."

She hopped out of bed and dashed to her desk in the living room. Opening a drawer, she combed the meticulously organized datacards. Her fingers danced across the labels to the back of the drawer, pulling out one that was labeled Hoth. She grabbed her datapad from the desktop and trotted back to the bedroom.

"So," she jammed the card into the pad. "I was in my room, writing in a diary."

"Diary?" Han's eyes lit up in surprise and mischievousness. He grinned at the sight of all those entries. All those entries about _him_.

"Don't get all cocky now," Leia added.

"I'll try," he allowed with a large smirk as he skimmed the diary.

"Anyways, you came in and demanded what I was doing. Typically. And you delayed me in seeing a message. I stepped out when I was not supposed to, and a part of the metal and ice roof fell on me. Got that cut to the bone." She pulled back her pant to show the jagged pink line. Han winced, looking up from the datapad.

"And it was my fault," he muttered. "Because you didn't see the warning." Part of it began coming back to him, and a wave of guilt splashed over him.

"No," Leia assured him immediately. "I was going to storm out anyways. I don't really pay attention to those comm messages because it's usually from Wes about betting on when we would finally get together."

Han snickered as he set the pad down, deactivated on the bedside table. "Okay, convinced. Keep going."

"We got the emergency supplies and another message ordered us to go to the fresher. You nearly died trying to make sure that I wouldn't be uncomfortable." He smiled invitingly and Leia bent over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"By then the heater was out, obviously. We were freezing and my wound got all infected. Pus oozing and everything," she made a face, shuddering. Han grit his teeth, turning a little green.

"Please don't elaborate," he said earnestly, and Leia grinned.

"There wasn't enough supplies to fix it in the emergency pack. All we could do was wait it out, and that's what we did."

"It was terrible, wasn't it?" Han shuddered.

"Actually," she smiled at the memory. "I think we both enjoyed it a little bit." Han raised an eyebrow, a half intrigued, half amused look on his face.

"How'd it go?" he said in a low purring voice.

"Han!" Leia swatted him playfully. "Not _that_ way. I was _dying_, remember?"

"Oh," he said. "Right. But still, it's possible, isn't it? I mean, you don't _do it_ with your l-"

"Han!" she repeated, but she was giggling.

"Then how did it go?" he asked with a smirk.

"Well," Leia paused, a thoughtful look on her face. "There were a few-" their lips met in a long, lingering kiss. She took a breath or two before continuing after the kiss. "And a lot of..." She cuddled up next to him, resting her head on his chest. His arm automatically went around her.

"And of course,a ton of-" she yawned, fatigue from the day finally catching up to her. "sleeping." she mumbled, burrowing into her husband's warmth. Han smiled and managed to plant a kiss on her forehead from his precarious position.

"Good night, sweetheart." he whispered lovingly.

"Mmmphh..." she responded softly. Han chuckled softly as he buried his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent.

The two soon drifted off into peaceful oblivion.

**FIN!**

* * *

**A.N.:**

**Ahahaha-WOOO!**

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**REVIEW PLZ!**

**Oh, and would you mind if you checked out some of my other stories? I've got a few other H/L fics and one about Leia and Mara.**

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